


I Don’t Feel Like Being Angry Anymore

by nonsensic



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26826208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonsensic/pseuds/nonsensic
Summary: My WIP fic of a modern/superhero au, 'Ba Sing Se', is kinda of stuck right now. To get me writing again I started brainstorming Zukka scenes. This will happen very late in the fic, near the end. The Gaang are hiding out in the Ba Sing Se Outer Ring, the Agrarian lands. It's set on the porch of a little farmhouse.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Kudos: 2





	I Don’t Feel Like Being Angry Anymore

~~~Sokka~~~

The porch had nothing but that little light that danced in the wind. That and an old bench tucked under the kitchen window.

Sokka leaned on his elbows looking out over the vast fields of wheat. The walls were so far away on either side it seemed impossible anything could be that big. 

The moonlight shone down and reflected all over the wheat. It swayed in the wind. Sokka felt like he was looking out over the calmest, quietest waters. It never seemed to be cloudy at night in Ba Sing Se.

The door scratched open against the wood floor. Sokka didn’t bother turning around. Zuko walked over and rested against the wooden post that ended the railing and opened for the stairs. One stolen glance and Sokka was told everything he needed to know. He looked like he always did. Sulky.

The two simply stood there, one looking aimlessly in each direction. Out and in.

“It’s cold,” croaked Zuko in his raspy voice, “Do you want my jacket?”

Sokka’s face screwed up.

“Do I want your- fuck off.”

“What? I was just trying to be kind!”

“Well? How’s that working for you?”

“Asshole.”

Sokka felt a wound open itself more. He wasn’t sure which one it was. He didn’t feel bad at all- Zuko was pissing him off, but something else was going on inside. The silence was prying it open, undoing the stitches.

But it didn’t stop. Zuko fumbled in his jacket. Sokka heard a spark and noticed a little flicker near Zuko’s face as he lit his own cigarette.

“I feel so little again,” he said. His voice was so gone. 

“Oh, now you’re not angry anymore?” accused Zuko forcefully.

“What?”

“Just a second ago you hated me and now...”

Sokka finished his cigarette and punched it into the battered porch railing, “I don’t feel like being angry anymore.”

His lover turned to him. Then turned back and looked down. 

Tiny shifts in his jacket were heard as his hand passed over to him, offering up his cigarette. He stole a more timid glance as he took it. There was quiet charity as he left it between his lips. The snap as the flame grew from his fingers.

Breathe.

“So, what’s the difference?” asked Zuko, shaking his burnt fingers to get the flame away.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean between then and now. Back in your home you felt little. What do you feel now, besides that?” Sokka couldn’t look at him.

“I don’t know. But I think you’re right,” he pondered, “This time, it’s different.”

“Maybe it’s because this time you’re not little.”

“But it was only a year ago. How could I change that much?”

“I don’t understand your point.”

Sokka stared. His face fell sadly.

“Yeah I guess- I guess- yeah.”

“Yeah.”

It was just a feeling. Just a feeling. He wasn’t a boy anymore.

No matter how intense or serious he had decided to act back then was not what had made him a man. 

Sokka didn’t want to be a man. 

He couldn’t get that little idea out of his head: are you still a boy?

He looked at him. He looked at the skin that wasn’t around Zuko’s eye anymore. Was that him acting serious or was that Man?

It was a little hard to tell. His personality was slightly ridiculous at times with its levels of intensity. There was being dramatic and then there was being this boy.

“Did you see her die? Your mother.”

Zuko winced there was so much fear in his eyes. So much wonder.

Sokka could tell he had not.

“No. Only in my dreams.”

Sokka nodded slowly and looked back out.

“Like where you saw me?”

“The same ones.”

“Weird.”

“It was kind of horrible.”

“I bet.”

~~~Zuko~~~

Zuko was not one to leave his own head. It was difficult. It was also something he was unaware of. To realise you can’t leave your head, more often than not, you unfortunately need to leave your head. It led to him doing things like offering jackets and speaking things that should have been left on the inside. 

Zuko couldn’t understand. But he felt he didn’t really need to. After so much time of not understanding people he had become an expert on the part of love where it wasn’t necessary. 

“I can’t imagine which is worse: seeing or not seeing. It must have been a nightmare seeing that but, in a way, you know, it is what it is. I have no idea. I spend all night imagining it. But I bet my imagination can never really get me there. And I guess just because you saw doesn't mean you don’t have nightmares. Just as bad as mine.”

“Yeah.” Sokka sucked in as much as he could bare then stamped the butt into the porch railing. His breath was shaking, Zuko could tell. He turned to Zuko and although he did not look up, that little light hanging from the porch ceiling betrayed the tear on his cheek. He faced him like he was preparing to confront him.

Zuko said nothing. He just let the man’s lips fall into his. He let that man breathe him like nicotine. Slow and steady wins the race so as not to hurt his heart too much. Although it was inevitable some day.

There was no sound. Just the rushing of energy, heat, power scurrying up the nerves from his lips and into his mind. It was so infectious. His face took him in. His nose smelled the burned lips of the other. His ears could hear the blood rushing. His eyes peaked for a moment. 

Zuko always found it odd how people closed their eyes as they kissed for so long. He always peaked just to break the rules, just to see. He didn’t want to surprise Sokka by seeing he had his eyes open but he just couldn’t close them when he saw. That way he lay on his mouth. Like something that had flown and was resting, taking a moment of peace here to keep itself moving, moving, moving.

Even now, for no apparent reason except fear, Zuko could tell how enormous Sokka was. How largely he existed. It was boundless, formless, limitless. Zuko just felt like a resting spot next to him. It wasn’t even a bad feeling. But nowadays, everything felt bad by default.

The energy spilled off one into the other. Something clicked in Zuko’s head. His eyes slowly fell shut again as he concentrated inwards. The less he saw the better. He felt the warmth that was rushing to his head.

Calm, he said. And it did. 

He could even feel Sokka calming a bit, like even his body heat was under his control. 

Slowly, it followed a path down lower. Zuko felt the fire build. He could feel that burning in his stomach and the tingling all around it. Don’t let it go to your head. Digest it. Let it go from there to every inch of yourself. Let it sow itself into you. 

Use that fire. Let it burn to keep you warm and make you sleepy and keep you fed and make you happy.

Sokka’s eyes were drowsy as they barely opened. His lips had already been left open lazily but as the two parted- much to Zuko’s dismay- his mouth hung open ever so slightly. Zuko could feel that he still hadn’t finished exhaling.

Zuko wasn’t done inhaling and still his lungs were barely as full as they could be. 

“What was that?” whispered Sokka, almost in fear, almost in anger.

Zuko didn’t answer. He stared through into Sokka’s eyes. Maybe there was a little breath left in his soul. He asked the voices in his head: You know the feel of wanting to wander inside someone else’s skin? The voices said yes, yes, yes. He asked them: You know how you want someone inside your skin in a way that’s impossible, in a way that would kill you if it happened? The voices screamed yes, yes, yes.

“Zuko.”

“It's just- how I show love,” said Zuko awkwardly.

“You definitely didn’t do it like that before.”

“It’s the mask,” he hesitated, “Very restrictive… or whatever.”

“Is that going to happen every time?”

Zuko looked out of Sokka and back onto his face, “I- don’t you want it to?”

“I don’t know. I appreciate the sentiment but even for me that was a little too weird.”

“But you cut bullets in half and glow white.”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant by ‘even me’.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Sokka’s brow furrowed, “You didn’t, but...”

Zuko could feel his stomach grow colder. Not the fire but everything surrounding it. The residual power was dying. Whatever new thing he had inside him was not.

“Let’s go inside,” said Sokka, turning towards the door before he got an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: 
> 
> This is a modern AU. The Gaang are the only characters with superpowers.
> 
> After assassinating Azulon, Ursa herself is murdered. She used the Blue Spirit mask to hide her identity but, in the end was killed by the single person who knew of the plot.
> 
> By "mask" Zuko was referring to the Blue Spirit mask, his alter superego. He and Sokka first met in disguise. This is one of the first scenes where they spend time "out of costume".


End file.
